So you want to have amazing sex. I get it, we all do. Yet the mere fact that you looked at this article suggests, that *you think* there are things to improve. Perhaps there is some doubt about your skills or nervousness. You wonder how to create better connection and fulfillment. This is not the time to push the anxiety away. Instead, invite it all in, for it is an aspect of your soul that you have long forsaken. Perhaps you or your partner need something else than what your conditioned mind tells you awesome sex should look like. Perhaps you just need to be held first. Perhaps your partner needs to be held. The emotions that you’re habitually used to push away will inform you of what you need. But you need to let the whole of yourself in. Any kind of emotion that may rise up, even those that we don’t usually associate with sexual behavior, let them in. Be true to yourself. Be present to what is there. Be real in front of your partner. That’s how you create connection. Not by following scripts of what you think should happen, but by being present to what actually is.
This is a time and space just for you. The performance anxiety is only there when you believe that you need to be other than you are to get love. It’s only there when you believe that you’re not good enough. That’s when we put the masks of pretense on, and so make connection no longer possible.
In truth it’s really simple. You don’t need to learn anything. You always know as much as you need to know, and you have the inner resources to figure out the rest. But only as you go, not before.
I could give you a list of steps to follow to perform amazing techniques, so that your lovemaking looks hot on the outside, but that would only further lead you away from yourself. It would create a mockery of the unique dynamic that wants to be expressed through you and this very partner in this very moment. It would be trying to fit into a box something that is unreproducable, something real that you could never get bored of.
The situation is such, that mostly all of us are in need of sexual healing at this time. It’s not about techniques and perfection, but about reclaiming the parts that we’ve buried under heaps of shame and guilt and anger. Real connection is possible only when you are whole. And you can be whole in this very moment, you just need to let go of what you think this moment should look like. Then you can reach levels of perfection you never dreamt were possible.
And so create yourself a sanctuary. Make this a time for just the two of you. Let go of any agenda. Make space for whatever emotions arise, don’t push them away, they will rise and fall all by themselves. Like waves washing over you, clearing away all that needs to be let go off.
Maybe you thought that tears or anger don’t belong to great lovemaking. You were wrong. Anything that presents itself belongs to your life. It’s up to you to let it in, and out... For centuries you were lied to about that things can look only a certain way. You were taught to compare yourself to everything but yourself. My dear, you are the potential of infinite possibilities. You have the ability to experience an unbound spectrum of experiences and never be bored or disappointed again. All you need to do is to live your life like it is your own. Not as others tell you, not as your thoughts tell you, but as you. As you yourself will let yourself feel anything.
Then this energy won’t be limited to lovemaking but will spill over into other areas of your life. You won’t know where one orgasm ends and another begins. Your life will turn into an ecstatic symphony and your Soul will sing along in wonder of its power as the creator of this experience.
Finally your life will align with your Souls desires just as it was intended.