There is so much emphasis on sitting still in our culture. Just think of how many years are invested in teaching children to ‘finally sit still’. In addition there are many artificial rules of how we should act when dealing with someone – we should have our eyes open, we should maintain eye contact, we should look at the person, we should listen with our ears not with our intuition, watch with our eyes not with our inner sight, we are expected to respond in ‘appropriate’ ways…
I used to pride myself on how still I could sit even at a very young age. Then we add more to it by believing we should sit still in meditation, in the cinema, at the lunch table, at school, at work, in workshops….it never ends! It isn’t natural. In fact it’s one of the systemic ways of repressing our nature, and it shows… People fidget, twitch, move their legs restlessly, hunch their backs, hold tension in, develop annoying habits and it all leads to various health problems and back aches. When we are not responding to the body’s immediate needs, how can we be present to the moment?
Just look at the children, how they’re full of energy and constantly moving. We don’t grow out of that, we learn to repress it or channel it in more ‘adult appropriate’ ways. And so those who are inclined for sports save our need to move for classes of organized movement, and those who are not repress the energy which then manifests in various diseases and weariness. Just imagine how much energy it takes to repress all that natural expression! We learn to repress our flow of energy and it’s natural expression because it makes the motionless statues around us nervous. And so we manifested a collective restriction of the flow of creativity. True interaction and connection isn’t possible through the rigid masks we learned to wear. And so when we get an opportunity to let loose, whether it’s thanks to alcohol at a party or in a healthier way in a held space, it’s wild, almost aggressive and hedonistic, because we have to fit so much expression into a short time frame, instead of dancing through life gracefully and fluidly.
To me this uncontrolled natural state of being is symbolized by the animal totem the cat. I learned to repress it so deeply that I developed a slight hatred towards cats in my adult life. But it was only myself I could fool. Others would still recognize my feline nature and my dreams spoke of fighting with annoying catlike animals. First domestic cats, later turning into lions which I then recognized as a symbol for my feminine sexual essence – my solar creative force.
I begun connecting with this side of me in a safe held space and discovered that it’s most healing for my mind and body to let the ‘cat out of the bag’. That to simply let my body move as it wishes without any interference from my mind could instantly shift all the held tension and remove various severe aches I suffered from. But it became clear that this won’t work as a long term sustainable fix. I needed to bring this freedom in motion into my daily life. My body’s/soul’s expression is my very nature, and I am not one to save it for the past-time corners of my life, I dedicated my life to embodying this.
I wasn’t ready to begin with that until I made peace with the cat during a shamanic journey. It was surprisingly easy, once the time was right, once I let the signs guide me there instead of pushing it. When I reconciled this energy, it could reveal it’s true face and appeared to me in a dream as my inner witch, in which I have recognized the uber-dark goddess Eris. When I met and recognized her as a part of myself, a truly inherent, deepest, familiar, essential, long buried part of myself, it became also clear why I couldn’t let her out and admit her for so long. She was dangerous. Uninhibited. Uncontrollable. Frankly, she doesn’t give a shit. She’s merely a force of nature, with very little attachment to anything, that’s what makes her so dangerous in the true meaning of the word. She’s the raw power, the true source of a woman as a creator and destroyer. Love, compassion and all the fluffy stuff are just consequences of this force. She is the beyond the beyond and she manifests without masks. For her, there’s no need for them. Like cats, she doesn’t care what she appears like, what she looks like, how she moves, how she rests…she just rolls with it – unpredictably.
So now I’m learning under her guidance to move like the cats, to care more about my wellbeing and my soul above societal expectations. There is less sitting still, less keeping my eyes open when they want to close, less standing on one spot, less listening when I’m tired of it, less pouring tea for everybody. The world is going to have to deal with it.
For this purpose I want to create safe spaces where we can explore among peers where our boundaries lie, how we are comfortable to express in different environments, and how it feels to reclaim freedom of movement in our body so that more and more people can bring this into the world and collectively bring it back into a more natural state of balance. Behind the scenes I am currently exploring the possibilities with likeminded people, and in the video bellow is an excerpt from one of those interviews.
I’m curious to hear if this resonates with you and what your experiences are with reclaiming your inner soulful authority, and how are you going about it. Please share in the comments bellow. Here’s to a more authentic harmonious world!